grappling with the me of me

i am grappling with the me of me, wondering why i do not feel like myself lately when myself is always myself, is it not? it must be. and yet i think often of being lost and finding my way back to me and yet i wonder what does that mean i am now? who do i think i am? how do you go on a search for the self when the self is here for all intents and purposes? nobody really knows i am gone so i am i still me if i still have all outward signs of me? or am i just really good at performing myself?